¿Algunos cambios? ¿Estoy menos loco?

Hoy también he pensado en suicidarme, y otra vez ha sido menos prolongado pero un pensamiento más intenso. Aunque la idea sigue tranquilizándome temporalmente, el alivio es cada vez menor. Me dejo llevar menos, quizá, por el entusiasmo de haber tomado de nuevo la decisión de hacerlo y por lo tanto disfrutar al máximo lo que me queda. De alguna forma la idea es menos real que antes, aunque mi mente sigue acudiendo a ella como válvula de escape.

Trying it louder, more sadness

Today, as the evening passed by, the feeling of wanting to check out soon increased up. And not slowly. It was a sharp and precise glimpse into the idea of the perfect ending again. One thing's different though: I didn't feel the relaxation and happiness about had taken the decission. I think that's because I've read from a specialist that that's a normal reaction to suicidal thoughts. Whereas I might have been in that place, it is also true that once I've tried to do it and seen myself barely capable of actually put end to this world, now I don't see the relaxation in making the final decission once again, probably because now I know I'm probably cheating myself. 

Tired, confused, derailed

On a small note, I'm going to start writing in english too. Not being my mother tongue, a lot of the stuff I'm catching on suicide it's in english. What are we going to do? It's the empire language. 

Today I've woken up too late again. I started making a good and healthy living when beginning this course year. Now I'm totally derailed of it. I don't wake up early anymore, go less to gym, I don't ever go to tai-chi lessons early in the morning, have a worse eating habit, and so on and so forth.